


Culinary Calamity

by ScientistSalarian



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 10:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13901778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScientistSalarian/pseuds/ScientistSalarian
Summary: This is a fluffy piece about Sara's ill-fate attempt to cook Vetra a romantic dinner





	Culinary Calamity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inquisitor_tohru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inquisitor_tohru/gifts).



The door to the kitchen was locked with a hastily scrawled message posted to the door that read “Enter at your own risk”. Inside looked like an ornery remnant architect had torn through the kitchen leaving a trail of ingredients, kitchen accessories and equipment strewn about. Sara Ryder stood in the center of the mess with a look of petrified anxiety. She had promised Vetra she was going to return the favor of a home-cooked meal but in her excitement she’d failed to learn a single thing about how to prepare dextro ingredients. 

In front of her was some sort of meat-like substance that she’d attempted to prepare like a steak. When she went to test it she was appalled to find that it had become tougher than Drack’s leathery hide. She stared at it trying to will it into something even remotely edible, but it seemed her biotic abilities didn’t extend to fixing culinary disasters. She tossed the charred contents of the plate into the garbage and sighed deeply. She just wanted to get this one thing right and at the moment, her confidence was absolutely wrecked.

She began to search through her omni-tool for recipes when she heard SAM’s voice offer up a suggestion, “Pathfinder, would you like me to search our ship’s database for turian cuisine and recipes? Most ships have been equipped with a menu of popular dishes from each of the Milky Way species.” 

“SAM! If we had that this whole time, why didn’t you tell me before I completely screwed up...whatever that first thing I was trying to cook was.” She was exasperated more than she was relieved to have the offer of help. 

“I did not know the extent of your lack of knowledge of dextro cuisine until this incident was past the point of my ability to rectify it.” 

“Incident!” Sara was indignant as she scrolled through her omni-tool, hoping she would stumble upon a recipe for complete beginners. “I don’t think it was that bad! I’d call it a ‘mishap’ at best!”

Sara heard a voice outside the door and she was worried that her ire, coupled with the warning on the door had caused some unwanted attention. She cautiously slid the door to the side and saw Vetra standing in front of her with a look of concern. “Are you ok in there? Why does it smell like burned t’liia steaks?”

Her face grew red as she attempted to bar Vetra from delving further into the mayhem. “Haha. I was just. Figuring out how to cook...a thing…” she realized from the moment the awkward laughed spilled from her lips that she wasn’t going to be able to wriggle her way out of this one. Vetra’s expression was one of complete disbelief and Sara decided to come clean. “Ok look. I was going to surprise you with dinner. You cooked such amazing food for me, I just wanted to return the favor, you know? But apparently t’liia steaks don’t cook the same way ours do and I think I may have burned it so badly that I’ve created a new type of coal or something.” 

She stepped aside and showed Vetra the smouldering remains of what was to be her dinner, now lying at the bottom of the trash can. Vetra wrapped her arm around Sara’s waist but only to keep herself from falling over with laughter. She brushed her lips against the top of Sara’s head and stood at the counter. “You know those are supposed to take twelve hours to cook, right?” 

Sara held up her omni-tool and simply nodded. “Well I do now!” Vetra looked at the recipe on the site titled “Dextro Cuisine for the Novice Chef.” 

“Oh, I think you’re giving yourself way too much credit! You’re well below a novice and I don’t think the word ‘chef’ really suits you either,” she teased. “Food Murderer, Destroyer of all Edible Substances in this Galaxy and all Others. Now that’s a more fitting title.” 

Sara broke down giggling as she briefly contemplated if she could fit that entire title onto a chef’s hat for her next foray into the kitchen. “And you should both fear and respect that, now that you know my secret.” She narrowed her eyes and gave Vetra her most menacing grin. Vetra looked down at her and briefly contemplated a snarky remark in return but instead, simply patted her on the head. 

“You’re adorable when you’re trying to look scary,” she leaned down and kissed her human girlfriend on the lips. Sara wrapped her arms around Vetra and returned the kiss, while tenderly stroking the plates that lined the back of her neck. She couldn’t even pretend to be mad at Vetra for teasing her so much. She simply surrendered to the turian’s affections. 

Vetra broke off their kiss and took a step towards the counter. “How about I teach you how to prepare the steaks and then tomorrow we can have a nice dinner together?” She hoped that Sara knew just how much she appreciated the effort she’d put in despite the outcome. “How about you teach me how to make your favorite food after?”

“You’re really going to trust me to not only cook your food but to teach you how to make something? What about my glorious title? If I all of a sudden become a culinary genius, all that just goes right out the window! I was even going to come up with a signature ominous laugh as I stood over the smouldering remains of my creations!” 

“I don’t think one romantic dinner will take away from everything that you’ve...accomplished here.” The two of them surveyed what really did appear to be some sort of apocalyptic event involving an inordinate amount of pots and pans for some reason. 

Sara nodded and Vetra grabbed an apron from inside of one of the cabinets. She grabbed one for Sara and helped her tie it in the back. It was something about those little moments that still made Sara’s heart race. She’d never had someone who was quite so casually affectionate and doting and it did something to her every single time. She did the same for Vetra with her apron and the two of them turned to look at each other. Suddenly Sara’s face softened and she looked at Vetra adoringly. “I…” she trailed off. Expressing how she felt was still something she had trouble with despite how well their relationship had progressed.

Vetra’s mandibles flared ever so slightly as she anticipated Sara’s words. She had learned more about human facial expressions since being with Sara than she had in her entire lifetime of dealing with them. She knew what Sara wanted to say but she knew not to rush her into saying it. Sara wrapped her arms around Vetra and held her close. “I love you, Vetra.” She said the words quietly and Vetra held her tightly. 

“I love you too, Sara.” She took a moment to bury her face in Sara’s hair. She didn’t quite know what brought on Sara’s sudden shift in mood but she felt a sense of warmth flowing through her. She’d never been the type to open up so quickly to someone but Sara just seemed to have that natural ability to disarm someone with nothing but a simple look.

“There’s something else I want you to know,” Sara began as she turned away from Vetra to clean up their work surface. 

“What is it?” Vetra asked.

“When I do inevitably become Andromeda’s first food-themed super-villian, I want you to be my partner in crime.” She could only stay serious for so long and Vetra was secretly glad that Sara had gone back to her usual irreverent ways. 

“That’s either the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me, or the absolute worst marriage proposal in any galaxy that contains any form of life.” Vetra scooped Sara up into her arms and left the kitchen. “Either way, I think food can wait. I’d much rather show my gratitude to the most feared being in Andromeda since the Archon himself, for being so merciful.” She carried Sara off towards her quarters without the barest hint of protestation from Sara. Her new plans were far more exciting than dinner anyway.


End file.
